


Love Of My Life, You've Hurt Me

by ShipperTrash140109



Category: Actor RPF, Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF, British Actor RPF
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Unhappy Ending, im just a little bit salty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-06 00:19:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18377051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShipperTrash140109/pseuds/ShipperTrash140109
Summary: It’s funny how after a while without leaving the house, the days just seemed to blur together into one tedious continuum. It felt like being in a bubble, only able to watch, closed off from everything.Well, almost everything.Engaged, fucking engagedakaim a little bit sad rn





	Love Of My Life, You've Hurt Me

**Author's Note:**

> disc: If you are or know anyone mentioned in this fic I urge you to turn away now! this is not based on real life and is merely a fictitious event
> 
> idk how to explain this other than my harlee heart is a bit devastated and if i see one more post about it im going to commit a felony

It’s funny how after a while without leaving the house, the days just seemed to blur together into one tedious continuum. It felt like being in a bubble, only able to watch, closed off from everything.

Well, almost everything.

Engaged, fucking engaged

How had Ben never realised? How had he been so blind to it- he’d never heard of her, even after filming and hanging around together so much… had he mentioned her? Had Ben been too caught up in his own little heart-eyed fantasy to realise she was more than just a passing comment in a conversation? Whatever, even if he had known it still wouldn’t have changed the kick to the guts he’d felt when he found out.

When Ben had first heard it, he’d been in disbelief, convinced it was just crazy fans being crazy fans-but then he’d heard it had been announced by the director of Top End Wedding, and that’s when it sank in. seeing the photos of them both together made the blond feel sick, and it was only a matter of seconds before his phone was a shattered mess on the floor.

_Engaged_

_Engaged_

_Engaged_

How had he never known? More importantly, why did Gwilym let him go about his life thinking they could be something? Was it on purpose? Had he been purposely leading Ben on all this time? Did he find it amusing, something to do when he was bored, or his apparent fiancée was too busy? Did he even know that Ben thought of him so fondly? Even with his screaming for all the questions, all the what-ifs to stop, they kept coming, kept coming until he was a curled-up ball on the floor clutching at his head and fighting the urge to slam his skull into the tiles until the name ‘Gwilym Lee’ disappeared from his mind.

People only noticed his absence from…well, everything after the third day of no contact- no posts online, no texts, no calls, nothing. It was Joe who was the most insistent, and he’d realized something was up after receiving no response to his initial ‘did you see the news? Thought it would never come out’ and then the volley of messages after asking if Ben was getting his messages and then if he was okay. Ben had buried his phone in his closet after Joe decided to start calling him every ten minutes. It would run out of charge eventually.

Why would Gwil never tell him? The math didn’t add up… all those times, all those damn times. Was sitting on his damn lap to watch Borhap just ‘guys being dudes’ in Gwilym’s eyes? Was constantly touching at all times at events just ‘guys being dudes’? it was cruel now that Ben looked back, Gwilym wasn’t like that with other people, Ben had thought he was special, thought something had been there… but now he sees he was only living in a fantasy. A fantasy formed around his own blindness.

He made it his life goal to find out how long one bloke could stay in his house without leaving, he had Frankie, he had his computer (to order food and other essentials) and his phone was left abandoned in his closet, he was cut off- just what he needed right now and possibly forever. His agent kept emailing with roles, opportunities, warnings not to get caught up on whatever was making him act so strangely. Ben decided to ignore all of them- he’d recover eventually.

He wasn’t sure how long it had been before someone actually decided to confront him. He’d been expecting a delivery of some groceries but instead found the last person he wanted to fucking see at the door. Gwil, no groceries but a ring on his finger that made Ben’s heart ache and eyes water where they peeked through the peephole.

“Ben! Benjamin! Joe was worried about you he told me to come see how you were doing, mate you in there?” he called through the door, Ben left with a foul taste in his mouth and the desire to hurl a couch through the door. “Ben, if this is about… if this is about the engagement, I thought you knew, but I should’ve invited you to be there to see it anyway, sorry bout that one,” how fucking dim could someone be? Ben felt anger rise up in him.

“Fuck off Gwilym, I don’t wanna hear it… if you don’t have a clue now, then you never will, leave” the blond growled through the door, and he heard a muffled but nonetheless exasperated sigh return his demands. Then a dull thump, a forehead pressed to the door, Ben just wanted him to leave, go enjoy his fucking engagement or something.

He felt terrible, terrible for not being able to be happy for his mate, and terrible for ever assuming they could be something together, be more than costars and friends. He was just an idiot and a terrible friend all round. He didn’t deserve Gwilym Lee, now more than ever.

“Please, tell me what’s wrong, I want to know, I want to know what I did… I’m sorry, Ben” Gwil pleads from the other side of the door, and Ben swallows a sob, he shouldn’t be so sad, so worried over what’s happening with the blond, he should be off in Australia or something, laying in the sun with the woman he loved. Not in cold, horrendous England trying to make it up to officially the worst person on earth.

“Gwil, please, I can’t say it… don’t make me say it” he hoped the older man would piece it together, would piece it together and run away, disgusted and never wanting to see or hear from Ben Hardy ever again. Gwilym didn’t move, instead he said the blond’s name, said it so softly it finally made the tears brim and spill down his cheeks, he was cornered in his home and he hated it, hated feeling so claustrophobic and void of any escape from his own demons and fears.

“I-I thought… I was an idiot” he started, well and truly sobbing, and he struggled a moment to reign himself back in just to get the words out. “I can’t, please just leave, enjoy your engagement, Gwilym” Ben finally resolved, and dragged himself away from the door, almost as if he heard the blond moving away, Gwil started up again, fists hammering at the door, yelling after him.

“I should’ve told you! I just, I didn’t want you feeling left out, but you have Joe and Rami has Lucy and Allen has Jessica… I knew I needed to make a move, I’m-”

Gwil couldn’t finish, Ben cut him off, his fury boiling his blood and making him shake from head to toe, “I never had Joe! I had you! It was Ben and Gwil, not Ben and Joe, I thought we were- I thought… you meant the world to me you stupid bloody git!” he yells, finally slamming open the door to stare him down, he could see the look of shock, whether it was from the fact that he hadn’t expected the door to open or he was surprised at Ben’s level of self-care or lack thereof. “I feel used, and I feel made a fool of by you, the one person I felt I was closest to… you never told me you two were together, or serious, for that matter- you left me believing we could be something, and now I hear you’re engaged? Congratulations, you made me feel left out and so fucking stupid, better luck leading someone on next time.”

Gwil couldn’t get a word out before just like that, the door was slammed on him and shut again, and this time, no amount of saying the blond’s name could stop him from disappearing. But Gwilym didn’t leave, he should’ve, he should’ve realized it was Ben’s own fault as well, for not listening and not knowing his friend enough to know he liked someone else- loved someone else. So, he sat there against the door, head filled with ‘what-if’s and guilt that ate at his insides.

Ben was an idiot, and so was Gwil, and in another universe, they’d be perfect for each other.

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to drop a comment or request down below, or hmu on my [tumblr](https://hardleeharlee.tumblr.com/)


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